My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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