I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
