Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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