He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
