im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize