it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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