I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
What a dumb baby whore.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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