Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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