You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
