She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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