Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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