You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I wear drunk well.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
