we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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