We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
