i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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