dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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