If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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