her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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