it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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