why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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