k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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