we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
