First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
