Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
