I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize