i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize