My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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