Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
