dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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