So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
