Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
