Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize