You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize