they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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