One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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