im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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