I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
they're like a gay fantastic four
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
