you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
