"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
