suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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