i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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