I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize