goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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