All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
