Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize