your room smells of hookers.
And success
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
