Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
