I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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