i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize