my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
