god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
