Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Panties = found
Randomize
