I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
