DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
