It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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