this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
