I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
