he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
