dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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