i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
