I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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