just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
