My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
