Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
