My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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