capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dignity is for republicans.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
