Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
