I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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