You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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