quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize