Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize