dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
