You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
