i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize