Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
