garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
