i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
