Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
