Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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