Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
