he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
