If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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