Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
