you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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