I heard we made out
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
