He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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