Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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