He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
