tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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