my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
