talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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