I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize