Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
