It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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