the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
