Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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