I am puke
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
