Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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