Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
