If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
