There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize